So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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