ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I party with great urgency now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
