He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
