I wanna bring you to show and tell
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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