I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
