do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
