This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
