Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
