My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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