I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
