i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Randomize
