My friends, they love my intelligence
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
