I think I won the penis lottery.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
