I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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