I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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