I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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