Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
