So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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