and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
