I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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