so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wish you could order shots online.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
