you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
