he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
