She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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