someone get that fucking seahorse.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
