Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
