can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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