Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
