last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
