I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
