At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
there was a trapeze. enough said
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
