I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You can't special order awesome
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
