I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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