Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
well I can't set my house on fire every night
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
