but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
