Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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