i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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