why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
