He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
