:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
