I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
