If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
