U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Randomize
