I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
