My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
