The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
