When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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