I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
