Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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