Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I need to align my fucking chakras
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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