forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
