fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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