you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
