Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
