Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
