Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
